all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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