are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
