WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
