Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
