O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
