dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
