sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
