Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
