All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
