I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
