he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
