be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
