You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
love makes seman taste better
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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