Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
