we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
