Plan B is the new Plan A
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i love accidental penises.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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