I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
