new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
