i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
