I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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