You're so nebulous sometimes
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
