Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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