I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
