How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
