That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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