Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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