She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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