I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
