I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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