At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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