that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
