real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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