So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Barsexuality is the new black.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
