You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
