you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
