# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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