I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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