I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
