walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I had to cum in my sink.
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