So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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