My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
