yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
