I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
