I think i peed on brittanys purse
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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