suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
