Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
