Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i out mim tonsoeep
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