Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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