Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
