She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
